How to Be Gentle with Yourself – By Boki Scott
So you’ve tried being hard on yourself, your entire life, and it didn’t work. That mindset has gotten you nowhere in life and now you’d like to try to be nicer to yourself and see where that gets you.
There are many ways to be gentle with yourself, but as the word ‘gentle’ says, they need to be gentle. No torturing yourself, guilt, shame, or any of the low vibration feelings. Here are 10 tips that can work for most people:
Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend or family
You’ve might have heard or read this one a thousand times before, but that’s probably because it’s 100%. We’re all so quick to judge and hate on ourselves, but we’re the sweetest and the most supportive of other people. Why do other people deserve empathy and kindness, but you don’t? Why is your first instinct to bash yourself? You would not call a friend ugly, an idiot, or something similar. Practice using the same compassion when talking to yourself.
No shaming, even if you should sometimes hold yourself accountable
I know that every emotionally and financially independent person is supposed to be realistic as possible, calling themselves out on their own mistakes and self-sabotaging behavior, rejecting the victim mentality as far as possible. But if you’ve been struggling with a negative mindset your whole life, you might not be ready for this higher level of self-love. So set the bar lower for yourself. Like a mother that allows their child to make more trouble than she is supposed to.
Forgive yourself
Forgive yourself for past mistakes, for the times you didn’t know better. Past is in the past. You can’t change it, but you can let it live rent-free in your mind and ruin your present. Forgive yourself like you forgive other people. What is forgiving? It’s saying, yes you did this wrong but I’m choosing to forget that. You are not thinking about it constantly, wishing it was different.
Make fun of yourself – humor as coping
Not having bad thoughts about yourself and your life is easier said than done. You can’t stop negative thoughts from appearing at once. You can work on yourself and then eventually after some time sees progress. Make fun of yourself and your flaws. Denying you have negative thoughts and that certain things don’t phase you doesn’t do any good either. That’s why humor as a coping mechanism works.
Surrender to the universe
What else is there to do honestly? It’s easier to go with the flow and trust that the right things will come. Surrender to the universe and let it control your life rather than you trying to control your life.
Self-care
Find a self-care routine that is perfect for you. Try to do something simple for yourself every day, even for only five minutes. Have a self-care Sunday on any day of the week and treat yourself as often as you need it. It can be anything from reading a book, taking a walk, or cooking. Taking time for yourself has too many benefits, but it needs to be specific and special to you, and you need to be enjoying it. Don’t pick up a book and force yourself to read it. Choose your routine wisely.
Show vulnerability, connect with people
We all pretend we’re happy and doing great all the time, but once you start showing vulnerability to people they also start feeling free to show their vulnerability to you.
Challenge negative thoughts
One of the Instagram therapists said something like: you don’t have to erase a negative thought, you only have to challenge it. Next time you have an intrusive thought, ask questions and argue with your head to invalidate that thought.
Give yourself a break
Whenever things go south, take a break. Don’t push yourself. Take all the time you need. Prioritize your rest and health. When you’re not in a good mood you’re going to make mistakes.
Realize it’s a process
Everything on this list can be used as a practice. Learning to be gentle with yourself is a process. In a few weeks, you need to be in a slightly better place than you are today. In a few months, you might see a significant change. But don’t expect it to happen overnight. This journey is different for everyone, but it’s definitely a long game for all of us.
Monitor your thoughts
Write your worst thoughts down, or even say them at loud. Tell them to a friend (about yourself) See how crazy it sounds? That’s straight-up bullying. Admitting things is always half of the solution for every problem. So write down your exact words and study them. Don’t you sometimes sound like a complete sociopath? You need to do better. You have to be your own biggest fan.
